You should feel proud

That response annoys the bejesus out of me.

I’m not sure why it gets my back up so much but when I post something, be it in relation to weightloss, lifting, client progress, general ponderings of random shite, to have the response of ‘but you should feel so proud of everything you have achieved’ seems to denote that I’m over here not being proud. And that annoys me.

Where have I ever said I am not proud of everything I have accomplished? Anyone?

It is a weird saying. It’s something I catagorise as a false positive. I understand what the commentator is trying to convey but it is haphazard.  I think it’s the word ‘should’.

Should – definition – used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticising someone’s actions.

And I think that’s the crux of it. I am obligied to feel proud of everything I have achieved. No, I’m not obligied to feel anything. I am correct to feel proud, yes, but obligied? I feel what I feel when I feel it and no one has the right to enforce that feeling upon anyone. If you want to feel sour about everything you’ve done, you go ahead, it is your emotion and your right to feel it. You ‘shouldn’t’ feel anything you don’t want to feel.

Am I proud of everything I have achieved? Of course I am, I don’t post about it to get plaudits or affirmations, I post because I’m damned proud and want to say, ‘hey I did this’.  Yes there is a modicum of vanity, but in the modern world we’ve gone from letter writing about how the days are, what we’ve done, how Auntie Edie is getting on with her bunions, to instantly sharing the things that have made up our day. Posting musings is like writing a public journal that you are allowing your community to view. Now it’s a global community rather than the village/street you were born in.

Alas, with this new way of interacting it gives people scope to respond instantly (I’ve done this myself no too long ago, and I’ve been mulling this over since), without considering their language and how it can be interpreted or without clarification of what they mean. We shoot from the hip in response and use phrases that are dismissive. Perhaps we need to step back and consider how the phrasing will be read. No, we will never get it 100% right,  but we can pause, consider what we type and explain where we need to when necessary. But, can we do away with the phrase ‘you should feel’?

You should feel proud – no, I AM proud, there is no SHOULD about it.