Well, when I say cracked it, I don’t think I’ve figured out a definitive ‘this is what you should do way’ of ensuring you feel comfortable in your own skin, but for me personally I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough.
I suppose a lot of it has been to do with the accepting that I’m not wonder woman after all, that I can’t do everything and also that I need to just let certain things go, drift off and not worry about them so unnecessarily. It’s been quite the breakthrough 12 months since I decided that I needed to start figuring out what exactly it would take to regain my inner peace. It rarely bothered me as a kid what others thought of me yet through much of my adult life it’s been of massive concern. I’m still not 100% sure why that is, and if Freud were still alive he’d probably ask my to take a seat and tell him about my mother. But really I think the most of it stems from my weight issues.
And this is where the biggest leap forward comes into play.
2 weeks ago I was sat on the sofa having my usual banter with the hubby and discussing the day’s happenings when it dawned on me… I’m really comfortable being 12 stone in weight. I’m not displeased, berating myself, calling myself names, I’m not fat (well technically I’m still overweight according to medical definitions but I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in my adult life), I’m active, healthy, in a size 14 (straight off the hanger I might add) and doing the things I love to do.
I actually realised that I might not lose anymore weight, body fat yes and maybe a couple of pounds but I will gain muscle, I will be smaller but I’ll still weight roughly the same. And that’s OK, in fact that’s perfectly fine and I’m happy with that. I look in the mirror and she’s gone, the hephalump, big tonne Bess who stared at me for so many years, and Pandora is really quiet, no snide quips, no derogatory remarks. I look in the mirror and for the first time in a very long time I actually see me. And she’s not half bad. This is a massive leap forward, I’m utterly accepting of myself and though I might still want to ditch some body fat (but that’s because I want to have that sleek muscular look) the number on the scale is finally meaningless.
So this breakthrough comes, and I decide that to really ensure I’m looking after my new found mental equilibrium that it’s time to just do some final adjustments on my food habits. Mainly sugar. I have a reaction to it and I break out in spots. I’m pretty sure it causes my skin oil to increase production and I can always tell when I’ve had a lot of sugar as I have an outbreak. So out went the daily treats and now it’s a couple of squares (literally 2) of chocolate, maybe some berries and cream, and possibly on the odd occasion a Krissie friendly cake from Starbucks, but otherwise the rice cakes with chocolate and the ginger truffle squares have all been ditched (plus as they are all free from, they cost a bomb too). The decision on the sugary treats was reached last Friday when the last of the cakes in the cupboard were eaten. We just decided not to buy anymore. So last Friday (May 27th) that was that. I get on the scale yesterday morning (to check my body fat percentage more than anything) and BAM, I’ve lost 3lbs in weight and 2% body fat. GO FIGURE!
I’m now at 165lbs, I’ve lost a total of 85lbs. And to top it all off, I’m 1lb away from being no longer clinically overweight. For the first time in 15 years, if that last pound drops off, I’ll cease to be overweight officially…..
That’s made my day, that has. Oh and I managed 40 full press ups on Tuesday this week, not all in one go of course, I did a set of 10, then did my cardio drill, then did 10 repeated my cardio drill and so on and so forth. Which reminds me tomorrow I’ll update my workout page. BUT, and this is the huge thing. If I do ever get to 10stone 10lbs (150lbs) then great but you know what, it’s absolutely no biggee if I don’t. I really am finally happy in my own skin and I don’t think it’s the number on my scale, that’s not important anymore. I think what’s helped me reach this milestone has been all the research into eating habits, thought processes of why I was turning to food, learning to let go of issues new and old and ultimately realising only I have the power to make myself happy or sad, and I choose happy every time. Nothing beats this feeling…. not even chocolate.
As always, be kind to yourself, you deserve it.